Snape's Confessions
by The-Onyx-LoLita
Summary: A log of Snape's confessions from the real reason why he killed Albus Dumbledore to what he does with spare potions. Inspirations come from the films, the books and even Potter Puppet Pals, none of which I actually own.
1. Why Albus Really Died

Snape's Confession: The Reason Albus Really Died!

Now, I know what you are thinking. 'Snape is so evil! He killed Dumbeldore! And all for the Dark Lord!'

Well… let me just tell you something. I may have told Narcissa that I would kill Dumbeldore if Draco failed but that was not the main reason that I killed him. I made the unbreakable vow to her. The vow to protect her son. I was going to make sure that Draco failed. Do you want to know why?

_DUMBELDORE RUINED MY LIFE!_

And this is how:

I was on my own, minding my own business, thinking about potions and dragons and Bellatrix LaStrange…yes…I think her insanity is quite attractive. It makes me _drool_!

Anyway…where was I?…Oh, yes. I was minding my own business when I heard a mysterious ticking noise. I listened for a few seconds, contemplating how strange it was for there to be a ticking within my office. I was unaware of any clock within the room…Bellatrix stole my watch so I knew it wasn't that. The annoying, thieving loony.

"What is that mysterious ticking noise?" I asked myself, running all around my office, looking under the desk, in the cupboards and even the cauldrons that were littered around the place. I stood still for one second, musing over where I might find the joke that one of my pupils had obviously hidden within my office. That annoying Potter boy, no doubt.

I suddenly discovered how catchy the sound was, tapping my foot to the beat. I had always been a musician at heart, I guess that this mysterious noise just brought out my musical side once again.

"Snape. Snape. Severus Snape." I began to sing, enjoying the fact that I could let my considerably greasy hair (I had lost my VO5 Shampoo…) down for once. I continued to sing to myself, feeling slightly less emo that I usually did about life.

Then that blasted man had to interrupt me with his annoying: "Dumbeldore!"

I was annoyed and thought: 'If I continue singing…he might go away.' So I did just that. Did he go away? Oh no he did not! He brought the Ginger one with him!

I continued singing whilst they 'Dumbeldore'-d and 'Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley'-d, hoping that if I tried to not take notice of them, that they might disappear, like a Boggart.

Then, just to add insult to injury, that Granger child began to sing with her 'Hermoine'!

'Just pretend they're not there.' I told myself, hoping that they would all disappear in a puff off smoke.

Then, the salt in my wounds, That _Potter _joined in too! With his 'Harry Potter. Ooo! Harry Potter.'

I had had enough! I shouted at him! "Snape!" I said and the silly back chatter shouted: 'Harry' back.

So…I started to slap him. And guess what the slime ball did. He slapped me back! It turned into a fight until that insane old man jumped up from nowhere…_completely naked!_

That image still makes me shudder even to this day. So many wrinkles! I had seen less on my un-ironed robes! Well…he was one hundred and something…right?

The Ginger one found the source of the ticking in my office. It was a pipe bomb! I dragged Dumbeldore out of the window whilst the Ginger one, Granger and Potter all jumped out on their own accord. Why save Dumbeldore, I here you say?

_Because I wanted to kill him for myself! _He had screwed up my 'happy' afternoon! So, when I heard of the Dark Lord's plans for Malfoy and Narcissa made me make the unbreakable vow, I thought…_This is my chance!_

So, on that night, I hit him with the killing curse! I shall never have to hear his nauseating 'Dumbeldore' ever again!

I can finally sleep at night without fear of him jumping out from under my bed…naked! *Shudder*

*Cringe*

*VOMIT!*

_This idea came to me when my sister and I watched the Half Blood Prince film and we both came to the agreement that Snape had not killed Dumbeldore because of the unbreakable vow made between him and Narcissa but because of him interrupting Snape during the 'Harry Potter Puppet Pals In The Mysterious Ticking Noise'._

_I hope that you enjoyed it. _


	2. Robe Ridicule

Snape's Confessions: Robe Ridicule - 

It was a rather hot day in mid June and I was going through my wardrobe trying to find something that I redeemed suitable for this heat. I, as always, would have to wear my wizarding robes but I also needed to find something light and cool to wear underneath upon my body.

'Where is that silky shirt?' I thought to myself, throwing woolly jumpers and thermal underwear here, there and everywhere within my room. After five minutes of frantically searching, I sighed to myself. "I can't seem to find my summer clothes." I muttered to myself. Then, I had an amazing idea. Why didn't I just wear my robes with nothing underneath? No one would notice if I buttoned it up.

I grinned to myself as I slid on my soft, recently fabric-conditioned robes. Oh, how warm and cosy they were.

I slipped on my black shoes and walked out of my office, feeling pretty fresh, even though I hadn't had a shower that morning. Or the morning before that… Or before that…

I was walking down the corridor, feeling quite smiley. Very strange for me really, I didn't tend to smile too much; it put a funny strain upon my cheeks. I was just about to say that it was an amazing morning so far, when Dumbeldore stopped in front of me.

"Good morning, Snape," He appeared to look at the floor then grin, "Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?" He jested, almost bouncing up and down.

I gasped with horror and quickly looked down at my robes. "… It's a stick, Dumbeldore." I said flatly, pulling out a piece of gnarled wood from my pocket.

Dumbeldore looked puzzled. "Why would you carry a stick with you, Severus?"

"I – Er – It might come in useful someday." I retorted, feeling annoyed at Dumbeldore's invasion of my privacy. "Why do you want to know?"

"I was only making polite conversation, Severus." He then bounced away in his usual, chirpy manner.

People like him made me feel sick, always so chirpy and happy when the world was full of things to make you sad. They just didn't see it. They were either blind or stupid; or both.

I walked into the dungeons, where my potions classes were always held. I was not looking forward to it, once again. I had to teach that Potter boy again. He was not my greatest friend, and certainly was not my best student.

I pushed the door open and walked into my familiarly cool classroom when a wind rippled at the bottom of my robes. I quickly pushed down the bottom of my robes and held them there for a short while. "Where is that…wind coming from?" I snarled, clutching at my robes in the best way that I could muster.

A few of the students turned to stare at Neville, who was blushing red. Gryffindor Red.

A chirpy voice chimed from the back of the classroom. "Well, that wind is coming from over there, Snape." The voice came from the amazingly happy, and blindingly ginger, Ron Weasley.

He was smiling in that usual, Weasley way and pointing to an open window which was basically a hole in the wall.

I was shocked. I had windows in my dungeon? I grumbled under my breath slightly. "Who opened that window?"

Harry Potter stood to his feet. "I did it, Snape. I opened the window." He confessed in a smug manner, a smirk spreading over his face.

I grumbled to myself again before replying with: "It would have been you, Potter. I do not want my windows open, now close it!" I commanded, pointing at the open window feebly, trying my best to keep hold of my rippling robes.

"But it's too hot!" Potter protested, flailing his arms all over the place.

I turned my nose to the air. "I do not give sympathy; I just want that window closed."

The boy closed the window in a resentful manner. I did not have a care if they were hot or cold, I just didn't want to expose myself to the rest of the school. It was at this moment in time that I was half wishing I had at least remembered to place a pair or pants on my bottom half.

I was walking through the grounds of Hogwarts after that most awful potions lesson. When the window had been closed, I did not expect to receive some more wind that made it so that the window had to be reopened and sitting behind my desk was the only decent thing to do. Such children, they all found this utterly hilarious. I did not. I would have liked to have been able to have move around my classroom with a little more ease than that.

I was just about to enter the indoors of the school when a gust of wind came from nowhere and blew my robes up into the air. It was completely unexpected, so I made no attempt to protect my dignity.

Gasps of horror could be heard from the students and I frantically tried to keep a scrap of my dignity.

After I had got my robes under control, I saw the shocked faces (and some rather-too-happy faces) of the students around me. I then turned my head to see none other than Albus Dumbledore.

"Is it that time already?" He said, glancing down at his wrist, where he did not have a watch. "Well, ok, NAKED TIME!" He shouted and threw off his robes and danced around in his birthday suit.

Many of the older students covered the younger one's eyes…

And I felt sick. I ran into the building, frantically trying to keep hold of my robes as I did so. I made it to my office and locked my door.

Never again was I going to leave my clothes in this room.

"_Some of my friends and I came up with this idea one day whilst we were sat upon the school field. As soon as we had discussed it, I knew I had to turn it into a FanFic. I do hope that you enjoyed this, please comment." _


	3. Potion Perversion

Potion Perversion - 

I was not looking forward to today's Potions lesson at all. I had to teach that Potter boy again. I was beginning not to just find it hard to cope with teaching him but he was now becoming intolerable. With that smarmy smile, ruffled hair, vivid green eyes and signature scar, he certainly was irresi… Intolerable.

I shivered just thinking about having to tech him again. The Boy Who Lived wasn't going to live much longer if I had something to say about it.

I walked to my dungeon classroom in a bit of a sulk, (well, more of a sulk than usual) pushed the door open and walked through the aisle in the middle of the room, holding my chin high, trying my best to look proud.

The whole room went silent after I had entered, all heads turning to face me, holding expressions that looked like I had just blasphemed.

I slammed the books down onto the desk in front of me; filling the air with dust and making me cough. "Today class, we are going to be making our own potions, any one of your choosing that we have already studied and learnt whilst with me. They shall be judged upon accuracy." I said making sure that my voice was monotone and emotionless, as it always was. "You have one hour." I said flatly, turning the hourglass in front of me on its head.

The students in the room quickly go to work, placing their cauldrons upon their desks and running all over the room to get supplies from the various cupboards in the room.

I smiled to myself, just seeing how much control I had over them made me feel happy, in a strange, sadistic way.

"I can make my own potion!" A loud and cocky voice shouted from somewhere at the back of the room.

I looked in the general direction of the voice to see Weasley, Finnigan and Longbottom all laughing at something the Potter boy was doing under the table.

"Mr. Potter, would you please behave yourself." I said sternly.

He pulled the flask that I had given him out from under the table. He had certainly filled it with his own potion. "Sorry, Snape, but I couldn't have waited until the end of the lesson." He snickered before dropping one of the powdered ingredients into the flask.

A cloud of purple exploded from the container and the liquid inside became a strange lime green.

Weasley had fallen to the floor with laughter.

Finnigan was bent double laughing.

Longbottom had turned a rather sickly shade of green himself.

I walked over to the table where the boys were guffawing. "Do you have Chlamydia, Mr. Potter?" I asked, staring at the flask with interest.

"Huh? What?" He said, sounding completely aghast and taken aback by my quick question.

"You need to get yourself looked at, Potter. It should not turn that colour." I said before sliding away to leave him in a state of confusion and shock.

Severus Snape, One. Harry Potter, Nil.

The class ended quicker than usual, with Harry Potter not being a nauseating pain like he always was it made the lesson seem so much more pleasant. I would dare to say that I actually enjoyed myself for once.

I sat behind my desk with a feeling of content. I had gotten one over on that Potter boy. I was not the loser anymore. Finally, after all those years of being the one who lost at everything and who was treated like an outsider, I was in the winning league. Maybe that had happened when I had joined the Death Eaters…

Nope, they lost too.

I picked up the cup from my desk and drank from it, feeling happy and giddy. I then began to feel even more giddy and strange. I stared down at what I thought was the glass in my hand, and spat out the remaining liquid in my mouth immediately.

The flask that I had mistaken for a glass of drink was filled with a lime green liquid and now seemed to smell strangely putrid to my nostrils.

I vomited on the floor profusely. I could not believe my stupidity.

**AN: **_"I do hope that you enjoyed this fic. I think that the moral of this chapter is that you shold always check what is in front of you, and not always take it for granted to be something you want. __ Btw, the Chlamydia reference was especially for you, __**Girl Of Fire**__." _


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